Posted files under ‘pregnancy

NZ Nesting

patriotic me & not scared of the cold water

I started a long post about the trip over not long after we arrived back in New Zealand. The days started to roll on & now we’ve been here over 2 weeks & are racing towards Christmas & the new baby I don’t think I’ll ever get around to finishing it.  It will remain with the pile of Ummi drafts never to be published.  This is a crazy but magic time waiting for our new baby, when will it be? how will it happen?what will it be like? Life is about to change forever again & all I can do is trust it will be what it is & to wait.  I feel a bit of urgency now & am really starting to get ready, I finally feel like this baby could join us at anytime.  I am completely shattered after looong days with CJ & MC.  Stay tuned.


2 comments December 9, 2009

pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding

I caught myself in a mirror today.  I was dressed in black and facing the mirror head on, I hardly looked pregnant.  Later on I was talking to two women and it wasn’t until I stood up one of them realised I was pregnant.  Until now I have felt big and I’ve put on a lot of weight, but for a second it made me wonder if I’ve done the right thing?  But in my heart I know I have.

I chose not to have any prenatal care in this pregnancy.  I’ve felt fine so mostly kept away from the ‘professionals’.  My previous experiences with health care professionals or ‘carers’ (ha ha) have left me angry.  I have discovered that in pregnancy, birth and childcare women are dis-empowered and belittled.

I have been told stories by women who have lost pregnancies, and been left with no support.  Others have been advised of serious health problems and even told to leave the country and terminate their pregnancy for medical reasons, who have gone on to have perfect children.  Others have been told all looks great and not until after birth have they  discovered things were less than ‘perfect’.  So even though I’ve had one doctors appointment and after careful thought chose to have two scans, I have pretty much decided my pregnancy will unfold along its own natural course and what will be will be.  I chose to trust in my body and not to put myself through the stress and expense of uncaring medical care.

I am wary to write about my birth as I have a clear picture in my mind of what I’m hoping for and am scared expressing it will somehow curse my dream.  My desire to birth peacefully and safely at home and uninterrupted by strangers means I am traveling across the world with my two wee ones at 36 weeks pregnant, no small task!  The birth culture here in Dubai is out of control. Doctors are authoritarian and rigid, systematic policies  come before women’s wants and needs.

And after pregnancy and birth comes breastfeeding.  I have come to believe, after almost four years of mothering, that breastfeeding is much much more than a way of feeding.  Babies have an intense need to suck and benefit emotionally by being able to outgrow the need for mum in their own good time.  MC has continued to breastfeed through my pregnancy despite their being very little if any milk for her.  I am willing to breastfeed her and her new brother or sister and I hope it will help her remain secure in the unsettling time of her new siblings arrival.  It hasn’t been easy feeding her through the pregnancy.  It has been painful and often felt disgusting (breastfeeding aversion or agitation), but I have kept going believing it is what is right for her and that it is her decision to decide when she’s done, not mine.


Add comment October 27, 2009


Ahhh as usual I have a lot on my mind.  Me and the babes are off for a month in Scotland on Wednesday to break up the Summer months spent indoors, living under air con and not being able to get out and about and burn off energy outside.  It’s a nasty environment to live in and to top it off all the hideous creepy crawlies of the desert don’t want to be out in the heat either and I am battling my fear (and disgust) of insects almost daily.  Big ants that bite have invaded the kitchen, geckos every few days and the worst is the giant cockroach type thing that we’ve now been blessed with 2 of.  This morning there was one just outside the bedroom door so I may not sleep well for the next 5 nights in fear they will come & get me in my bed!  I blocked the bedroom door off the other night when A was away just so I knew I was safe & could sleep peacefully.  During the day I am now programed to scan the floor and each room as I move about the house, ewwwwwww.  A will get the house sprayed while we are away.  I don’t want to share my living space.

So, Scotland.  I am really nervous about this trip!  Heading off by myself with CJ & MC to stay with family that I don’t know is daunting (exciting too).  Being pregnant is hard work in itself and I’m still feeling sick sometimes and always tired, not sleeping well at night. We can’t really afford the trip but the thought of staying in Dubai through the whole Summer is not at all appealing and I reckon it’s now or never as I wont be traveling alone with 3 wee ones so I need to take the chance and go.  I’m sure we will love it and have a great time, but I just feel weird about it. Nervous.

We will come back to Dubai right in the middle of Summer and it will be burning hot.  I’ll have a lot to do when we get back.  I have Dubai’s first ever La Leche League meeting on August 9th here at home to organise.  That is exciting but will take a little bit of time to get prepared.  I’ve started to get regular questions coming to me for my LLL work and it feels good to be able to help other mothers and the appreciative emails that I get back really make it worthwhile work.  The meetings are the fun part so I am looking forward to getting them going and with a donation from the Abu Dhabi group I was able to buy books for a small library to start us off.  As well as my LLL work I will be 2 weeks behind on my Massey work so busy playing catch up.  I still have 3 essays and an exam to get through before the end of the year.

On my mind I have questions around our Dubai life.  Is it worth staying here?  A thinks so, enjoys his work and our life here.  To me the money isn’t worth it but I have to keep my eye on the big picture and the dream of owning a farm one day in New Zealand.  But with A’s job loss and the Dubai move, another years rent paid in advance (& not to mention our amazing overseas holiday – number 2 this year coming up), we have not saved any money so far this year.  And my dream of a NZ homebirth is going to make sure we don’t, as a trip home for 4 people at the end of the year will make sure of that!    I don’t think I will ever be truly happy as long as we live here, it just doesn’t feel right to me.  The money doesn’t disguise what’s wrong here, it seems many western expats get off on their new found wealth/status and must turn away from the things that aren’t right.  I can’t and I struggle.  I have written about it before but the inequality, the dangerous roads, the climate and the environmental destruction continue to shock me.

On a positive note.  I am super happy about my pregnancy and the thought of another birth and new baby!  It took a while to fully accept this one but I am there now.  I love my babies so much and can’t wait to have another one in the mix.  A little girl would be so sweet for MC to have as a close in age sister to do girly things with, then again a boy would mean MC would keep her special place as our baby girl.  So either way it will be lovely and I can’t wait to see how the relationships grow between the 3 of them.  CJ is already talking about ‘Bickie Christine’ (his name for the new baby) and what he will do with ‘her’ and how she can play with MC.

I had the warm fuzzies this morning when I was in the kitchen cooking Friday omlettes and watching A and my babes have fun outside in the morning sun.  I can’t make them smile quite the same way day does.  Check them out hard at play.


Add comment June 26, 2009

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